Back in China

      As we crested the hill in our rented Ford Focus, the view of sprawling Los Angeles gave me the impression that we were driving into China.  After weeks spent just getting used to the quiet and slower-moving crowds, we were on our way back.  Back to China. 
     That moment was over a week ago.  I am currently sitting in our sixth-floor apartment (but you have to press "7" on the elevator!), and thinking about this transition.  On the flight over, I did not feel that it was another momentous occasion--just another 12-hour flight that we would be taking to get where we were going.  Only, I didn't really, REALLY take the time to realize where we were going.  I was in autopilot mode---just going.  And we happened to be headed to China at the moment.
   Minus the monsoonal rains that poured down as we waited on the tarmac of Beijing Airport-delaying our midnight flight to Yantai- the trip went off without a hitch.  We were met at the Yantai Airport by our friend's trusty driver, George, who deposited us safely at the doorstep of our apartment building.  We crawled into bed at 2:30 in the morning, and we were officially "back."

     While Zach was very happy to be back, and was handling the transition well, I experienced feelings that I had not been expecting.  I had thought that I would slide right back in to life in China, and be rejoicing all the way that I did not have to figure all this out again.  But it seems that without the distraction of novelty, feelings of displacement, loneliness, and "otherness" crept into my mind...especially in hearing the words for "American," "foreigner," and "them" right and left while walking by.  It was also very difficult, this time, to accept being stared at everywhere we went.  My thoughts became so anxious that I knew I was heading down an unhealthy mental road--especially for expats.  Rather than being holed up at home and holed up in my mind, I needed to get out. 
     Zach and I took a walk down a sleepy, tree-lined street to the beach that afternoon.  We talked about everything I was feeling as we strolled along the sidewalk and the sand.  By the end of the walk, something in my mind had changed, and I finally felt "safely back" in China.  The stares continued as we walked along, but I took them in stride.  I believe that the antidote for what I was feeling was the very cause of my irrational fear.  I needed to get back out there and experience China.  To just allow myself to "be" in China.  And of course I cannot end this conclusion without saying that I also needed my best friend to talk me through it.  Thank you, Zachariah.

   We are both safely back in China,
    and the school year is just about to begin...
...but that is a whole other crazy barrel of monkeys.

P.S.  "...I took them in stride."  Get it?